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Will Brandon Prust lead the Habs to a Stanley Cup? Well that’s a question for another blog. The question for this blog is a lot more personal. Let’s find out what it is. Or maybe, isn’t.

Shalom HW’ers! HOLY CRAP THIS SHOW IS ALMOST OVER. This is actually the second to last episode. I feel like we’re just getting going here. I don’t even know if the show has been picked up for another season; I haven’t heard anything, and I would have. A quick Google search is quiet on the subject. So this whole thing (the show and this blog) may be about to end. And Wrap never even wrote anything! [Ed.’s note – in Wrap’s defense, she really wanted to, but living in the USA she couldn’t get the show on TV. She thought she would be able to “get it” somewhere (nudge nudge wink wink says the internet law expert) but that’s been harder than she thought].

ANYWAY it is Christmas time on HW this week! Everyone is celebrating and it’s lovely. And we have relationship drama like you wouldn’t believe. It is the MP show this week, as you will see by the size of her entry. Let’s get to it. Oh and FUCK this show is ending, because I finally figured out the right recap format! You just have to do it by location. Duh. So let’s go to…

Quebec City – Maripier (aka “MP”)
MP, Brandon, and assorted family members are off to Quebec City for Xmas break. They check into the hotel only to realize they have no booze, and it’s only 20 minutes before the stores close. Panic!!1!!1!!! I can relate. Though you’d think if anyone could slip a Quebec hotel bartender a few hundreds to get some bottles, it’d be a Hab. Probably wouldn’t even need the hundreds. Anyway, at the SAQ (the booze store for all you non-Quebecers), Brandon signs autographs. Just let him buy his booze dammit! They leave with a box of booze (like a 12 bottle box) and MP is carrying even more. Nice! MP thinks Brandon is going to propose on this trip. I am less confident. So all the Morins and Prusts are together drinking pink champagne and celebrating Xmas. Bit of language barrier though, with one anglophone family and one francophone. But the families do seem to get along just swell. The whole gang goes outdoor night skating together. MP was a competitive figure skater in her youth, leaving home at 12 to train in Rimouski. That’s tough; I’ve been to Rimouski. She hoped she was Olympic-bound until she hurt her back at 17. She looks spectacularly graceful on the ice, and she races Brandon skating backwards. He lets her win in the end and they playfully tease, and then kiss, and it’s romantic and sweet and then the romantic and sweet music starts playing so you know the proposal is… imminent? Especially when you see how good Brandon is with MP’s niece and nephew and MP talks about how great he is with them and can see him as a father to her kids. BUT… no proposal as we cut to commercial. Oh man is this dragging on. I need a paragraph (smoke) break.

Later it’s gift-giving time. MP really wants her gift dammit! But she can tell it’s not a ring. However, she does get a gorgeous (and very expensive-looking) bracelet that she wanted last summer, but never even told him. Brandon Proust is psychic! Oh wait, it’s a watch not a bracelet, and apparently this is bad luck to give a watch in a relationship. Cue the sad music. Cue the MP tears. She says they are happy tears. She’s lying. She says “time to propose?” as he adjusts the watch. Heh. She is pushing him hard. He’s not biting. Dramatic tension builds. Again, no proposal as we go to commercial. Only 4 minutes left according to my PVR, better get to it Brandon! The end of the show is Xmas morning with all the Prusts and Morins, complete with a stolen-from-the-lobby Xmas tree. Gifts are opened. Brandon and MP are made godparents of MP’s niece. Brandon is very cool with it, so MP thinks it means that he wants to spend his life with her. So you know the proposal is imminent now! It is not imminent. The episode ends. ARRRGHHHHHH.

Los Angeles – Martine and Jenny
Martine is still in LA from last episode. She and Jenny (Jenny! Really! Well she gets one scene and three lines in the ep, but that’s more than most of this season) go out with some LA Kings wives that Martine is friends with from when Jonathan played there. Martine reveals she’s been engaged for 4 years. No rush or anything. Though they had a kid in the interim so I guess they are committed! The gang talks about the difference between being a hockey player in LA and Toronto, and about getting traded. Jenny learned Ben was traded to Edmonton on Twitter. Curse you, Twitter.

Vegas, baby! And Park City, Utah, baby! – Tiffany and Brijet
Tiffany calls Brijet when she finds out Ray announced he is officially retiring. They share that in common now. They are both off to Utah for an alumni charity hockey game that George and Ray will both play in. George with his kids is adorable as always, but they are leaving the kids at home because Utah is a terrible place for children. Looks gorgeous on the slopes in Utah, as Tiffany and Brijet talk retirement. Brijet is smart enough to recognize she’s lucky with the career Ray has had. At the game, George is having a blast on the ice. Everyone frankly is having a blast on the ice and in the stands (see the quotes section below). After the game, there is more retirement talk, and to drive the point home, we go to a commercial with a shot of the setting sun. Nice and subtle Mr. Director.

Vancouver – Noureen
And we get our first glimpse of Vancouver! And of course it’s cloudy and grey and blah-looking. Even with that, Noureen says she actually likes it there because it’s gorgeous (it is!), after only a week! She’s doing a maternity photo shoot for a magazine, with Ryan. Noureen looks like she could drop that kid any second, but they both look great in the shoot. Later Noureen meets a Canuck girlfriend and she talks about how she wants to work as an actor in Vancouver. Half of Hollywood films there, shouldn’t be a problem. I can see her on the X-Files reboot, maybe with black oil in her eyeballs.

Calgary – Kodette
Ryder is being assessed by his therapy team. The team says Kodette is a great parent and Ryder is doing well. yay! Jason is coming home for Xmas. At the airport, Ryder won’t hug his Dad leading to more emotional heartbreak for your recapper. The family goes skating together on an outdoor rink that looks like slush, but they all have a good time. Jason says he doesn’t feel old, but he’s 35 and for a professional goalie who is not Dominik Hasek, I know that’s getting up there. They talk about whether to put Ryder in a regular school next school year. The household seems to be doing very well with Jason home.

Toronto – Martine
Martine is happy to be home. Jonathon lost last night (duh, he plays for the Leafs) and is sad (duh, he plays for the Leafs). Martine is trying to take a Xmas card photo, but her baby Tyler is crying. He stops eventually though, and clearly takes some good pix, taking after his mom.

Not appearing in the ep: Nicole, Emilie, and Wendy. Oh Wendy, why did you even sign on to this show. Or maybe there is really good stuff on a cutting room floor somewhere.

Cry-o-meter

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7 onions out of 10. Thanks MP for carrying the load!

  • MP tears up talking about what figure skating has done to build her personality
  • MP cries when Brandon gives her his gift
  • MP cries when she is named godmother
  • MP cries when she thinks about what it means that Brandon is happy to be a godfather

What is blurred out this week?
In my continuing lawyerly fascination obsession with the legal reasons for blurred stuff on this show, we’re chronicling all the blurriness. And guessing what’s hidden!

  • Lots of the MP and Brandon booze is blurred. But because I am borderline alcoholic, I recognize Bacardi Breezers, pre-made Clamato Caesars, and possibly a Kamouraska vodka logo on the side of the box.
  • Ryder’s sweatshirt logo is blurred. The logo is composed of the giant letters G, A, and P. Pretty pathetic blurring job there lawyers / producers.
  • At the alumni hockey game, the players get interviewed on a red carpet in front of an entire wall of blurred logos. Holy crap this is my blurriness nirvana! I may have to retire this feature now. They are well-blurred too, I can’t guess a single one.
  • The non-Ray Whitney non-George Parros players in the alumni game have their names on the backs of their jerseys blurred. The game is filmed in such a way you can’t tell who’s playing, even if you’re a hockey fan like me and can recognize faces. I’m sure Stéphane Richer was there, he’s always at those games.

Wait, what?
The best quotes of the week.

“Does anyone pay attention to my hair, my makeup?” – Ryan Miller

“Uncle B just fell on his butt too. I fall at least 10 times a game” – Brandon, awww

“I mean obviously we promised them a threesome. But it’s like butt sex, you never actually get it, you just promise it” – Tiffany, on the HW motivation techniques to score goals

“Grab the balls! Grab the balls!” – MP, but it’s not as dirty as it sounds

Episode Rating

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8 puck bunnies out of 10

Quality, quality ep. It leaned too heavily on the MP-Brandon business with not much of a payoff, but it was understandable they did that. It was good drama. All the other story lines were essentially fun and nice. Noureen was not over-exposed as she usually is and she even seemed quite down to Earth and pleasant! Yes, I’m shocked too. The ep also benefited from having a lot of the hockey husbands around for a change because it was the Christmas break and / or they are retired. An alumni hockey game is always fun. The use of sappy music cues in the Brandon-MP story annoyed me and made this an 8 instead of a 9. You do not need that artificial sentimental crap, Mr. Director.

See ya next week for the big finish!

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