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Shameless manipulation. Adopt a pet today!

Bonjour HW’ers! If you don’t like adorable rescue dogs walking the fashion runway, well, I don’t want you on my site. Let’s dive in to find out why there are dogs on the runway.

Of course I won’t dive right in, because I’ve got preliminary comments to make! So it’s clear now that we are only going to get 6-7 wives per episode. And only 4 of those will be “featured”. Look, it’s only an hour show so I understand. But I wonder if maybe it wouldn’t have been better to only have 6 or 7 instead of 10 and make the season shorter? Maybe it would be easier to follow? Dammit Jim, I’m a lawyer not a TV producer.  Some wives are getting the short shrift, and some (*cough Noureen *cough) are in every episode and featured. But, like, Emilie had an amazing story last week, and she’s not here at all this week. This makes for difficult continuity. Anyway.

So let’s do this. This is the first recap where I think having the wife-by-wife format hampered me, because a bunch of the action took place in one location with several wives. Ah well, guess we’re stuck with it.

Settings: Georgia, Calgary, Montreal, Scottsdale, Manhattan Beach

Maripier (aka “MP”, girlfriend of Hab Brandon Prust)
MP is hosting a fashion show fundraiser with rescue dogs for the SPCA Montreal. MP bought some clothes for Brandon but he doesn’t like them and says so. MP is upset, but in Brandon’s defense my god that sweater is hideous. They both go to work out, and their workout routines are, uh, pretty diametrically opposite. Then they go clothes shopping together. MP needs a smoke before they leave for the event, but Brandon doesn’t like her smoking. MP is nervous as hell, let her have a smoke! But that smoke and MP’s tidying up is making them late for the event. MP is hosting the fundraiser in English, so she’s doubly nervous. Some other Habs hockey wives are there. Oh I should mention the event is at a place that’s like 3 blocks from where I live. I am practically on Hockey Wives! Habs wives walk the runway with adorable rescue dogs. Or maybe they are dogs that need to be rescued? Either way, adopt a pet! Support the SPCA! Carey Price is there, and he is the center of attention. Duh! He’s Carey F-ing Price, future Hart Trophy winner! Anyway, despite MP’s worries, she does just fine and the event is a success.

Noureen (wife of Canuck goalie Ryan Miller)
Noureen is back home in Georgia for a baby shower. An “Indian baby shower”! I don’t know what that is, but neither does Noureen, so I feel better. She comes from a family of Ivy League genius types and they do not seem to like her career as an actress. I would call her the black sheep of the family, but she actually says she thinks she is too white (she gets spray tans!). Oooh boy maybe this is sounding racist, sorry. She worries her son will come out totally white. Again I apologize if this is coming out as racist on my part, but this is fascinating, and that is really what she says. Anyway, the food at this Indian baby shower looks fucking amazing. I would like to stick my head into that giant serving dish of samosas. Also, a bunch of competitive Georgian Indian women in a room seems like serious fun.

Kodette (wife of Anaheim Ducks/Norfolk goalie Jason LaBarbera)
It’s been a month since Jason has seen the family. Ryder misses their Scottsdale home, and they are going to visit! Kodette and Brijet talk on the phone and in interviews about how much they love each other. I agree, they are two of the best moms/wives/people on the show. In Scottsdale, Kodette, Tiffany and Brijet go out at night and pound some shots. Well, maybe not “pound”. More like “attempt to get down”. Well, Kodette pounds. Kodette apparently has a history of letting loose when she has a chance. You go, girl!

Wendy (wife of Phoenix Coyotes coach Dave Tippett)
Finally some Wendy! She hosts Brijet and Kodette and Kodette’s kids for lunch in Scottsdale. The kids jump into the hot tub and run around and Kodette has to chase. Wendy and Brijet talk about what Ray Whitney may do, as a coach or in management. Wendy tells the story about how Dave got into coaching. And… that’s it for Wendy. Oh Wendy, you are getting screwed by the producers.

Tiffany (wife of George Parros, free agent enforcer)
They are moving to Vegas in a week, but she heads over to Scottsdale to visit Brijet and drink wine and talk hockey and Ray’s golf game. Tiffany is jealous of and / or annoyed at  Brijet and Ray’s financial position because Ray doesn’t have to work but George does. Tiffany takes Kodette horseback riding, because she’s not a “mani-pedi chatting kind of girl.” Tiffany is not scared of horses, or shooting guns. God she’s the best. They talk about Ryder and they seem very genuine these two. Later, at the wives’ evening, Tiffany laments how other hockey wives (not the HV) generally suck. It’s why she wants to get out of L.A to Vegas. Then moving day is upon them. You can tell they are not rich as they have a U-haul and seem to be moving themselves. George’s mustache is back with a vengeance btw, and it’s annoyed as hell that Tiffany forgot to pack some stuff. Hilarity ensues as they try to load their car onto a trailer attached to the back of the U-haul.

Brijet (wife of Ray Whitney, 23-year NHL vet and free agent)
Brijet is still in the dark about what Ray wants to do post-playing career and it’s frustrating her. Lots of retirement talk with Tiffany. Brijet thinks she should have more time given Ray is home, but really Ray is on the golf course and she has 4 kids to take care of. Hey, Brijet is a dancer! And teaching tap class to kids, and of course kicking ass at it.

Not appearing in the ep:
– Nicole (wife of Kings’ captain Dustin Brown)
– Jenny (wife of Ben Scrivens, Oilers goalie). Is she even on this show?
– Emilie (wife of Wild defenseman Jonathon Blum)
– Martine (fiancée of Leafs goalie Jonathan Bernier)

Cry-o-meter

the onion

One onion out of ten. C’mon, step it up ladies!

  • Kodette dabs away some tears talking about her and Jason being away from each other. In her defense, she may have been influenced by lemon drop shots.

What is blurred out this week?

Welcome to a new feature here at 29WAHV! In my continuing lawyerly fascination obsession with the legal reasons for blurred stuff on this show, it’s time to give it its own segment. Holy crap this is a big list. And I left some out!

  • There is a picture on the wall at Noureen’s parent’s house that is blurred. The fuck? What on earth could be in a picture that has to be blurred??? A naked Charlie Sheen?
  • Kodette is wearing a black baseball cap with some team logo that’s blurred. Doesn’t seem to be an NHL logo, maybe the Norfolk logo? Doesn’t seem to be that either. I MUST KNOW.
  • Brandon Prust wears a T-shirt with a blurred logo and words while he works out. Look HW producers, if you don’t think I can’t recognize a Habs logo, well, my name isn’t HabsFan29.
  • MP’s workout clothes are covered in blurriness.
  • At the fundraiser, MP auctions off a signed Habs jersey. The whole fucking jersey is blurred. The most iconic uniform in all of sports is blurred. Like we don’t know what it is. This is fucking killing me.
  • George Parros runs into Justin Williams of the LA Kings, who has blurred logo on his ball cap. Clearly it’s the Toronto Blue Jays.

Wait, what?
The best quotes of the week.

“She doesn’t really have time to tolerate my bullshit” – Noureen, re her older sister. Amen, sister.

“Work on your butt, you know? That’s what Brandon asked me.” – MP’s workout trainer

“You’d think. If she wasn’t a c*nt that maybe that would have happened.” – Tiffany, on a potential alternative to a woman trying to get her kicked out of the wives’ room

Episode Rating

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7 puck bunnies out of 10

Big step up from last week. Made a huge difference having a bunch of the wives together in Scottsdale, including 3 of the most likable. Not a whole lot of real drama, so this was kept out of the 8-10 range, but many entertaining moments. Dogs on a runway! You can’t go wrong with dogs on a runway.

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