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Oooh boy. Get the tissues out, and for good reason. Find out why after the jump.

Aloha HW’ers! If you thought that this show was gonna be all glitz and glamour and fun and games, it is not. Oh man is it not. This week we get introduced to the rest of the hockey wives, and one of them is gonna make you weep. It made me weep (or at least choke up), and I am just a hockey-loving asshole on the internet. Now, I’m still gonna snark, because that is what you expect from me. And frankly, when you have an in-home untrasound party you deserve to be snarked on. But even I can’t snark at what goes on with one couple in this ep.

We’ll stick with last week’s recap format for now, because TBH I can’t figure out a better way to go about it. The setting this week is everywhere in North America it seems – Cali, Arizona, Vegas, Calgary, Toronto, Montreal. Let’s start with the newbies we didn’t meet last week.

Kodette (wife of Anaheim Ducks/Norfolk goalie Jason LaBarbera)
So here is the center of your episode and the reason for your weeping. Kodette’s got a husband who goes back and forth from the big club to the minors, thus keeping him away from her and her two sons. One of the sons, Ryder, is autistic. Oh man. Kodette has stayed in Calgary because that’s where Ryder gets his therapy. Kodette is doing an amazing job, but obviously it’s tough. She’s a real trooper. Jason seems great with the kids too. The family goes to visit Jason in Anaheim at one point, and it’s very touching as Jason plays on the hotel room floor with the kids.  It’s also very sad when Ryder says he wants to go home. Kodette and Jason get no time alone together. At the end of the ep, Kodette has dinner with Tiffany and Noureen and her two kids. It is heartbreaking as Ryder acts up as autistic kids are wont to do, and Kodette and the kids have to leave the restaurant.

Martine (fiancée of Leafs goalie Jonathan Bernier)
We have our lingerie / swimsuit model! But not for long. See, she just had a baby and has to reveal to her agents she has stretch marks. They ask if she can move into “another category” of models, the young moms. She does not seem to leap at the opportunity.  Jonathan is busy with hockey, but does seem to be good with the baby, even changing diapers. Martine says she doesn’t know hockey, but I must disagree! She says “if the team wins it’s because of the players who score, if they lose it’s because of Jonathan.” At least she knows Leaf fans.

Wendy (wife of Phoenix Coyotes coach Dave Tippett)
She shows up at Brijet’s house and seems smart and mature, and has some good words of wisdom, befitting a coach’s wife. That’s all I got.

Noureen (wife of Canuck goalie Ryan Miller)
She has her friends over to her house for a “gender reveal party”. Bring on the cupcakes and the portable ultrasound, because she wants to be a party trendsetter. Everyone gets to watch the ultrasound on the big screen! What a time to be alive. Anyway, it’s a boy! Oh and Puck is going to be on the cover of Modern Dog Magazine. Noureen redeems herself somewhat at the end of the show and has a self-aware moment when she realizes Kodette has it way harder than her. And admits that Vancouver isn’t so bad. But what about the rain Noureen? Won’t someone think of your hair???

Tiffany (wife of George Parros, free agent enforcer)
She may have a second career as a hairdresser, as she gives George a nice new ‘do. There is obviously still worry George is unemployed. They seem to be making sure their fashion lines are going well because George is not earning a hockey paycheck. Tiffany talks a lot about hockey fighting and how it’s gentlemanly. She gets mad at the media for good reason as they twist around a George interview from a long time ago that just got published. Their twins continue to be SQUUEEEE! Tiffany is worried her hockey wife friends will ditch her if George isn’t playing, so she wants to get out of dodge. Tiffany continues to be the sharpest and most self-aware person on this show.

Maripier (aka “MP”, girlfriend of Hab Brandon Prust)
Oh boy she is busy. The TV show every day, this project and that project. Now she is doing a 12-hour photo shoot for a magazine (365 different looks!). She is headed for a breakdown, and almost has one when she invites a friend over to talk about it. Fortunately she is rescued from the abyss by the news that her Revlon contract has been renewed and expanded. You would think getting more work would not be the answer, but what do I know. MP and her friend celebrate with tequila shots.

Brijet (wife of Ray Whitney, 23-year NHL vet and free agent)
Brijet and Ray are off to Vegas for their son Hudson’s hockey tournament.  Brijet is happy Ray is home to help with the hockey stuff, less happy with his involvement in the landscaping. Brijet keeps mentioning that when hockey players retire, 75% of them get divorced, and she needs to buck the trend. Don’t worry Brij, you and Ray are the most solid couple on this show. By far.

Jenny (wife of Ben Scrivens, Oilers goalie)
Pops up to go biking with Kodette on the beach. They bond over their husbands being goalies in Edmonton, where there are a lot of losses.

Nicole (wife of Kings captain Dustin Brown) and Emilie (wife of Wild defenseman Jonathon Blum)
Notably (or not so notably) absent. As there are 10 hockey wives total, I am getting the feeling every ep there will be at least a few left out.

Random thoughts in old school TMS-style bullet points that didn’t fit in the above

    • Ryder is wearing a baseball cap and the logo on it is blurred out the whole time. The logo appears to be an Anaheim Ducks logo. This makes me wonder if the NHL is not cooperating with this endeavour.
    • I’m finding it very hard to keep track of the timing of this show. When Kodette goes to Anaheim to visit Jason, she says hadn’t seen him in two months. But the jump seemed like 2 minutes in TV time.
    • George Parros went to Princeton. Hockey enforcers are smart!

Cry-o-meter

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5 onions out of 10

What was a clever idea last week may no longer be. As mentioned above, I am feeling guilty about snarking on the crying. Kodette should be able to cry as much as she wants without internet assholes like me being bitchy about it. You go Kodette.

  • Kodette needs a tissue to dab her eyes when talking about how hard it is having Jason away from her and Ryder
  • MP really cries when talking to her friend about how busy and tired she is. She needs to go clean up her running mascara
  • Kodette dabs her eyes again when talking to Tiffany about insensitive relatives and friends, and chokes up again right after when talking about Ryder

Wait, what?
The best quotes of the week.

“When he retires I’m gonna have to pay for everything. I’m gonna be the sugar mama” – MP

“Make a wish – please get a job.” – Tiffany

“She’s dealing with a lot. I’d be having breakdowns, like, every five minutes” Noureen, re Kodette

Episode Rating

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9 puck bunnies out of 10

Very smart move on the producers’ part leaving Kodette out of the first episode, so there could be a focus on her in the second one. Is it shamelessly manipulative on an emotional level? Probably. But it doesn’t matter because it works. And remember, this show is on the W Network not the NHL Network. This is about wives and families and real-life heartbreaking stuff. Or at least this episode was. We’ll have to see where the balance of Noureen-MP glamour and Kodette-Tiffany life issues goes in the weeks to come.

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